Kids of working women: I think it made me independent

My mom has always been a working woman ever since I was born and even before that. I don't know how we kids are different from kids of House wives but...surely there is always a subtle difference.
1. To begin with, we don't have our mom when we come home from school. Though I had a doting grandmother waiting to serve lunch when I was young meaning till the age of 10. Thereafter, I learnt how to warm my own food have it when I returned from School.
2. Didn't have the opoortunity to tell mom make this for me in the dabba today. As we innately knew mom was crunched for time and we had to make do with what we she prepared. Though a compromise, but slowly one learns how to manage things you like. For example, I liked sandwiches in my lunch box...so I made sandwiches and took them...variety of them...
3. I have long hair till my knees, thus mom used to make my platt till 8th std. However, I had to wait till she got free & all..many times resulting in reaching school late...so I learnt to make my own platt. By the time I was 13 most of the things were done quite independently compared to kids whose moms were at home...
4. Going on, I am mostly responsible for my Homework or assignments to be submitted on time as Mom would come by evening 6pm..sometimes even 7pm...that was kind of play time...& by 8pm -9pm...it was bed time...So one learns at an early stage that you have to be responsible for yourself and have to take charge of what you do...With this I don't mean I am cribbing or anything but These things have really helped me especially in my working career....As far as I remember no one used to even ask me if I had completed my work as it was silently agreed that I was responsible for my self...
5. Thereafter came my 10th, I would say mom was great in that year all supportive and used to ferry me across town for classes and then the amount of moral support she used to extend was commendable...Most parents get very cribby when their kid give their first board exam...However, mom was just the opposite...she used to say relax and give ur exams once ur prepared then just sit back and enjoy...I cleared my tenth with a distinction and went on to college...1st year of Commerce...
6. My mom has always been a friend ever since never felt her encroaching on me or trying to say am the parent or your wrong...she lets me learn through experience....she will wan me subtlely but not push it hard on me....And eventually I learn the lessons through experience...Maybe that comes through the positive attitude and exposure she has at her work place...I really admire her for that.
7. Then I moved onto complete my MBA, When I was in MBA i asked her for guidance as she had already guided my elder brother...she had complete faith in me and stood by me through every good and rough time....
8. Finally now I am working and her friendly support is always welcome....she is a great person who I adore for all the multi tasking and the wonderful person she is...And i can't say that I am spoilt or have been ever ignored an ounce despite her being working....she has steadily instilled values in me and also created an independent entity who can think and work on her own

Do we think before we do???

I used to actually wonder why all the guru's of management or even elders state that "We should think before we do", "Plan before you act", and "see the pros & cons", so on... This used to sound Greek and Latin until a few months a ago. I have seen this year as a zig zag one...one with loads of ups and downs....However, over the past months I learnt the bitter truth that we need to think about pros & cons before we take a decision. I took a few harsh decsions this time. I know it hurt a few people who mattered to me the most but, I believe that was for the best. One decision I took recently shook a few basics but I guess it was for the best. I broke ties with a person who was equally passionate and enthusiastic about the goals that I had in mind....Who shared the same vision as me and could help me walk hand in hand to achieve it....I don''t know why but I took the harsh decision to ask this person to leave...despite knowing that it meant a great loss personally (losing a good friend) plus professionally (someone whose decisions i trusted)....I can't express this fully why I did this but I think it is best for everyone...Not meaning to hurt anyone further....

Its easier to break ties?

A very recent incident in my life taught that never break up ties with someone even if you dislike the person to the core...It just shows the level of maturity that one has...During one's child like incidents in life one breaks ties cause it is easy to do so....however, maintaining relations is the difficult aspect of life....

My ideal person is mom who i really admire...she multi-tasks...maintains ties...is there when u need her and always gives the right advice at the right moment....so when i approached her with this question mom said "Should we maintain ties with people we dislike or have had a rift with them?". To this she said..."If you have had a fight with your best friend, would you go back say sorry or whatever and become friends or maintain an Ego?"...I thought for a while and replied "No obviously would go and mend things rather than let us remain angry at each other"...The second thing she said "If you dislike your boss and don't want to see his/her face, would you go and tell him/her that i dislike you / i don't want to work with you / just quit?"...To this I replied "No i would not say I dislike you cause he/she doesnot form an important part of my life...what difference will it make except that its only career related"...to this she said "you have answered your own question...If you don't like someone and they don't form a very important part of your life then how does it matter if you like / dislike the person involved...Its just the circumstance that makes the person bad/dislikable...that doesnot mean he/she is bad or mean to you.... " So it is important that you analyse what category fits in and maintain ties...Its always easier to break ties but difficult to keep them...

Funny incident (rather hilarious)

Though i have been working as a volunteer co-ordinator for the past one and a half year...This has never occurred with me... First of all the potential volunteer who we wanted to take onboard wanted to see the schools and interact with the kids...That was fine with me as it is generally a usual procedure that we follow before a volunteer joins in...Now comes the funny part...when i met this guy...name not disclosed on purpose...cause he might shoot me if he comes to know..Says "I thought you were an old 40-50 year lady running an NGO, till i spoke to u...when i spoke to u i felt ur some school or college going girl..." This came as a rude but pleasant suprise...ok...next this person begins..."I can contribute a lot...and went on and on and on" (I thought "Ok..will he just stop and let me know what his POA ..plan of action is or just continue with the i can do loads, etc, etc"...)... One thing i have learnt over the past few years is let them first work and then judge what their capabilities are...cause many people keep on saying "i'll do this and that and never end up doing any thing" So i got a little skeptical about this guy....
Though very helpful as he seemed lets see what he gets....on board...Now comes the second jhatka....He says "what do u do on weekends..."..I thought "the ngo part was all fine..but now what has he got do do with , what do i do on weekends?. so i said NGO work duh plus family and friends meeting up, house chores, etc, etc, reading, watching muv's, etc"...To this he replies "We should meet up sumtime... ur an interesting person...whose into lots of activities...I would like to know u better..."..These statements put me off guard "I was about to wonder was this guy insane or over friendly or wat...i was almost going to burst into a fit of laughter and say...hey dude the ngo is not a dating service to meet interesting people...find ur space somewhere else...gosh...kya namune hote hai....Anyway...cutting the long story short...this was quite hilarious and I had a good laugh...though it is wrong...but i couldn't help it...come on...take it with a pinch of salt...

I am touched

There is a co-worker in my office who has his 1 year old son suffering from a brain clot, mother suffering from a pancreatic disorder and so on....You will wonder why i am describing him...cause he really touched my conscience when i got to know that despite being affected he works so efficiently and provides the necessary output...always with a smile on his face....

Not only this, when i got to know that his financial background is weak...and despite that he has adopted a girl child (amongst his relatives) whose parents died in an accident...brought a tear rolling down my cheek...
How wierd that when we have everything we end up cribbing about small things that we don't have right...and when we look at people that really are going through so many things stand like a rock...

Think twice when you buy the branded Reebok shoes

Most of us have been rarely deprived of the luxuries let alone basic necessities. Do we really think before buying a chocolate say a Rs5 dairy milk. I would say most of us would never even think about it...we would just go buy and eat the chocolate....

However, there is a segment of society or children who actually think before buying a chocolate. They actually think that the Rs5 would help them buy a pencil or an eraser...How many times we spend money without even thinking twice...especially on the New trendy Reebok shoes (Min cost Rs5,000) that your friend is wearing....on the cadbury chocolates, hersheyy chocolates, etc, etc..The list goes on and on.....

So shouldn't we start thinking before we spend money lavishly on luxury items...where a Rs5,000 could actually help sponsor 10, tenth std kids fully pay up for their fees and practical exam fees...Imagine what yeoman service we would be doing.....

Teaching: An eyeopener

26/11 Attack: a year ago

A day of misery which led to tears, loss of lives and dear ones...26/11 unforgettable for 100's of daughters who lost their brothers, mothers, fathers and kin....The newspapers and the media flashing the names of the deceased. A day after which i heard that a very close family friend's young son aged 27 years lost his life at Taj breathing his last at 4am in the morning. A chef at the Taj and a dynamic boy six feet tall with a never say die attitude...The gunman had shot him and he called his parents saying that "He was ok" "Nothing had happened to him"....He had sustained a minor injury and would survive it. However, as fate would have destined the fellow breathed his last breath as his wound was near his heart and he bled to death....

One year later when I met his mom, I saw her calm and composed....When i spoke to her...She said "Its only a few days from when we will be holding a prayer meeting for my son's first death anniversary...".. This sentence ripped my heart as i saw a tear rolling down her cheek...The sad part was that he was the only able son, as his elder brother was suffering from some kind of a disorder. His mother then said...a few words which left an indelible dent in my mind "We are all puppets in the hands of god....to live a predestined life....

What's wrong with being a girl?

By Lisabelle Gonsalves, Team iDiva 06 Nov 09

Source: Times of India

Link: http://www.idiva.com/bin/idiva/Whats-wrong-with-being-a-girl

With her play, I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Lives of Girls Around the World scheduled to premiere on November 12, 2009 at NCPA Tata Theatre in Mumbai, playwright Eve Ensler talks about her inspiration for this script, being a feminist, dealing with abuse and finding her identity in a man's world.

Broken, beaten but alive!
The Vagina Monologues has been performed in several countries over the past 11 years and during this time I have seen so many young girls of varying nationalities. I have been greatly disturbed by how women are sold, beaten, destroyed, killed and undone across the globe but I am also greatly amazed at the power and resiliency in these girls!

So about five years ago I began to write the monologues of these women based on true stories that I heard, people I've interacted with and stories that I wish would happen. Then I began to envision the pieces coming together for this play.

Telling every girl's story
I believe girls are trained to please and serve rather than to provoke, challenge, dare and create.

I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Lives of Girls Around the World tells the stories of young girls in all kinds of horrific circumstances who dare to stand up or who are unable to resist but wish they could. These are different stories from different countries – a girl with an eating disorder from the US, a girl sold as a sex slave in the Congo, a Chinese girl making Barbie’s heads in a factory, a Palestinian suicide bomber who dared to turn back.

Defining our own identities
Whether it's being obsessed with attaining a particular body image and disappearing in the bargain or being in a relationship with a boy just to be popular, child labour or trafficking, genital mutilation or abuse, the play is a call to all girls to step up and be the emotional creatures they are.

I want girls not to be afraid of who they are and have their own authentic voice. Why should girls be afraid of their intensity, their passion, their emotions? Why should they be afraid of being too smart? Why should they be what someone else tells them to be?

Proud to be a girl
I think our patriarchal world has taught girls to be subservient to men and taught boys how to not be girls. We need to ask ourselves why we do that. What's wrong with being a girl? What's wrong with being empathetic, emotional, passionate and alive? All of us are emotional creatures and we need to find the 'girl' in us.

To me, girls are the greatest resource on the planet and have been denied the right to be who they really are by society. I believe if this energy is freed, we will unleash a brilliance you cannot even imagine. It's like unlocking a force like that of wind.

Breaking free from my father's house
I use 'father's house' as a metaphor for what girls settle for. They cling on to the bare minimal that they are given instead of creating a world of their own.

When I was 18 years old, I stood up to my abusive father and told him for the first time in my entire life that he could never touch me again. That was the turning point in my life. I had had enough and I couldn't deal with it anymore.

I had been away to college for a year and by the time I got back I had developed my own support system, a community of people who I knew loved me. I was political and active. I was a feminist creating a new world for myself. I was not afraid to be alone even if my family rejected me. That's what every girl needs – a support system, someone to talk to, to know her rights and not allow people to hurt her.

Breaking the silence
I have been privileged to travel to places like the Congo where economic war had ravaged women's lives and watch these women march against violence and break the silence.

We shouldn't spend our lives reacting to violence or overcoming abuse. We can't devote our lives to recovering when in fact we should be thriving. I believe when you can stop focusing on yourself and help someone else get out of their situation and give them the exact thing you want the most, it will empower you and heal you of your grief, pain and rage.

Being a feminist in a man's world
Most women I speak to want equal rights, equal pay, respect, a voice and not to be abused yet they don't want to be called a feminist! To me feminism is wanting to be treated equal and knowing you deserve it. It is showing solidarity to resilient women around the world who are rising up instead of feeling powerless.

Dil chahta hai (Saif Ali Khan and Firangi Girl incident repeated in Goa)

One of my friends narrated an incident about:His Goa visit along with his group of friends...After hearing the incident i was reminded of the movie "Dil Chahta hai"...where Saif Ali Khan was cheated by the Firangi girl and then left to hitch a ride back to Mumbai....However, this incident was not that bad.....My friend named (X) and his friend (Y) went to Goa for a get together and there they decided to hire a girl for a night....lol...."one night stand" in simple words....In order to get hold of a girl....they went and found an agent who supplied girls....(am not using the crude word for it....u alll know what they are called). The agent asked them if " they wanted an Indian girl, North East Indian girl, Firangi, Movie actress, a B/D grade movie actress, model, etc" he then asked them "Do you want the girl for 24 hrs or less than that". On this, these guys told the agent "We want a North East Indian girl as these guys didn't want to spend too much money on the whole event"....The agent told them that "A North Eastern girl costs around Rs2400 for 24 hrs...". These guys agreed on the deal (By giving Rs1000 to the agent) and decided mutually with the agent that they will pick up the girl from the same point where they met the agent....Now comes the hilarious and the best part....these two guys went off sight seeing and returned at the ascertained time and waited at the place they had decided with the agent....they waited there for almost 6 hrs and there was no sign of the agent.....thereafter, these guys were so disappointed that they ended up with droopy faces....This reminded me of the "Dil Chahta hai" scene where the Firangi girl tied up Saif Ali Khan and looted all his belongings...However, these guys didn't end up in such a tight situation and got off only with a loss of Rs1000...he he....nice incident....so moral of the story is.....Desires can get sinful....and painful....

Kids are innocent and infectious

I usually take a walk in the evenings after office...in my society. It feels very relaxing and self fulfilling once u go for a walk in the open air. Especially as my society is very green it makes u feel that u have come into a diferent world altogether. And, the best part is that a group of small kids aged 4-9 years play in the evening and they are so unique in their ways. It really makes me ponder that we have lost our inncoence long time back even our creativity is left in one corner with us becoming so mechanical and money oriented....The innocence appeals to me the most as the most obvious becomes so unobvious to us.

For example, I saw a kid who was counting the stars, I saw him pointing towards the sky and counting the number of stars loudly....1...2...3...4....5...6...7 and so on. For a second i thought i should tell the kid that ur numbers dictionary won't be enough to count the number of stars in the sky...but on second thoughts....i said why should i spoil his moment....of joy and happiness of counting the stars in the sky....
Moving further down the turn, I found another girl kid, who was shooing away a dog....filled with innocence she said.... ja yahan se....haat...haat....and the dog so obediently walked away...i was so amused by the incident that it left a smile on my face.....
Moving ahead owards my house, I found a group of 5 boys aged 8 years....perched on their bicycles set for a race....one kid was counting...1...2....3...get set go...The funny part of the whole incident was that the child who was the mediator instead of saying ."..1....2...3...get set go"said 1...2...3...get set don't go".....oh goodness i burst into a fit of laughter as it reminded me of my childhood days when we used to do the same things.....
It was a real good experience to witness how innocent yet creative these kids are.....their innocent moves definitely leave an infectious smile on ur face...especially that floods in memories of one's childhood....where our worry is just to complete out homework, eat and sleep....and watch cartoons....